She said, "I had to be one wrong person to deal with the surreal situation in which I found myself.
"Normally it was alcohol. I figured I could not be good enough, smart, funny, or crazy enough to be with certain people. "
The & # 39; Burn & # 39; singer even drank before appearing in the BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge. because she was so nervous to perform live on the radio.
She added, "In the past, live lounges were the most nerve-wracking, I even drank, I swear to God.
"I would say," Right, I have to have a drink this morning because I have this interview and I do not really know how to answer the questions because I do not really know who anymore I am 39;
"I thought drinking would make me a little more funny or interesting.
" I was not an alcoholic. I could live months without a drink.
And Ellie – who is now married to Caspar Jopling – said that her love life at the time, when she was with DJ Greg James and McFly's Dougie Poynter, was just as confusing.
She explained during a performance in Fearne Cotton's "Happy Place" podcast, "I did not know who I was. I was in a relationship, but I felt I needed someone because I was not near my family.
"I had this job that took me around the world, forcing me all to stand in the limelight the day to talk about it, so I always needed someone. But I was not really me. I do not want to say to anyone close to me that it was not real, but it was not what it should have been. I'm sorry, but it was my survival.